It Can't Be All About Me

Well, I haven't posted in a while, mostly due to the holidays and some other things that have consumed my time. But it's no excuse. It's been far too long. I need this as much as you do!

So now that I have a few minutes to write, I don't have much to write about in the area of the ex or drama, or upset in any relationships at the present time. It's actually been a lot better and I know God has been at work even amidst my lack time spent with Him. I don't deserve His grace or love. How truly grateful I am for a Savior who works in His time even when I'm not faithful.

I recently got to spend some time with a friend of mine and we were able to get out some frustrations we're both experiencing in our lives. We've both sort of hit the reality of being married, settled in our lives, I guess just the reality of life. And on top of my own personal struggles, I feel like the kids are more clingy and needy now for some reason, maybe it's just their age. I can't even walk from one room to the next without someone following me! But I know I need to be compassionate and put their needs ahead of my own. So I asked my friend, "Is it me? Am I just extremely irritable or is this normal?" I continued on my rant, "It's just so hard to go from being myself - not having kids to worry about and then suddenly shifting gears to mommy-mode." I go from doing what I want, when I want to suddenly washing clothes, reminding them to pick up their junk, finding ways to entertain them without tv, fixing their hair, cooking something they'll like for dinner, making sure they're dressed appropriately, taking a bath, brushing teeth, washing hands...the list goes on and on. Being a stepmom is a hard job. No one will ever understand what we as stepmoms face everyday. Not only when the kids are with us but when they're not. It's such an unusual situation to experience first hand and everyday might bring something different or unexpected.

I'm realizing that I need to work on my tolerance and pray that God will help me to do everything with out complaining. That's so hard isn't it?! But I know that I can do this and make the best out of everyday with God's help. I'm learning that it's not about me. But how do we get past that feeling of - no one understands. No one recognizes or acknowledges what we do on a regular basis for someone else's kid. Where's my encouragement? Where's my pat on the back every once in a while? Where's my reward? The answer is ALWAYS in Jesus. He sees the hurt and the frustrations that we continually push to the side to manage our everyday reality. Although we can't touch him right now, He's here. Even though we can't physically run to his arms, He's surrounding us now. He's with us in every moment of our day. He's our reward. And perhaps the hardest part for us to grasp - may that be enough for us. I'm praying that He would sustain you in your journey today. That God's peace and love would surround you like never before. May you be consumed with His encouragement and trust that He alone is all you need.

Thank You Friend!

Well, as a follow up to the encouragement post, I must tell you about a friend of mine who is very near and dear to my heart. We haven't known each other long...maybe 4 years or so, but I consider her a cherished friend. You know when you meet someone and it feels like you've known them for years? Well, that's her. She's sweet and fun to be around. She and her husband moved away a year or so ago but we still keep in touch. I have to share with you an email I received from her. And this is one of the only direct encouragements I've EVER received from a friend. She wrote:

"First of all, we miss you guys...secondly, i just want to take a second to encourage you and say thank you for being such a wonderful step-mom!! for real! I know it is not easy all the time (not just with the kids, but also with the extended family etc)...i thank God that i have a wonderful step-mom and am sometimes closer to her than my real mom, because of our relationships with Christ....but i just want you to know that your kind heart and gentle spirit in loving them do not go unnoticed....I just think, and i know God does too...that you are the ultimate servant in this and i admire you greatly!!!"

I can't begin to describe the overwhelming gratitude I felt at the moment I read that. I'll always remember and be thankful to her for reaching out and taking a few minutes out of her day to encourage ME! I want to encourage YOU now to do the same for the stepmoms you know. Let's take some time to focus on building each other up. As a fellow stepmom, I know how discouraging and heartbreaking it can be when you don't feel supported or encouraged by your friends. If you are a stepmom, I am praying today that God will surround you with friends who will support and lift you up on a daily basis.

To my dear friend - Thank you for being such an incredible blessing to me! God knew I needed loving encouragement, support and hope for the future from a sister in Christ! Love you!

A Little Encouragement Here?

So I had a meltdown the other night. It just all came rushing out. I've tried to be strong not let it get to me but I couldn't hold it together for one more second. It all started with a call to my mom about my frustrations with some family members. I'm talking about the non-supportive family members who don't encourage us in our journey as a blended family. Now I know they love us and want the best for us. But there's no "we're so proud of how you're parenting" or "we're proud of the way you've turned this situation around" or "we're so glad that you've stepped up and taken responsibility". Nothing. Not once. I can't even begin to tell you how much that hurts both my husband and I. Maybe they are proud of the way we've worked to make this situation work for us. But we'll never know how they truly feel if they don't tell us. I've tried to just block those feelings out and not think about how we've been hurt. But it's always there. I started thinking of how hard this whole stepmom life has really been throughout the years and the sacrifices I've made and why they don't seem to get that.

But I know those frustrations are doing me no good. I always want to know why. Why don't they support or encourage us? But I don't know if I'll ever know the answer to that so if I continue to dwell on these feelings, I'll be eaten up with bitterness and anger. I have to turn that over to the Lord EVERYDAY. I don't want this to create bitterness in my heart or make me resentful. It's incredibly hard to give up that anger and frustration each day. I want to scream and yell and shout it from the rooftops! "Don't you get it!? Don't you see what we've done for this child? Don't you see we've made the right decisions in this situation? Don't you see that we're trying our very best to be the Godly parents that this child needs and deserves?" But I can't. I can't control their thoughts or actions anymore than I can control the weather. I can only focus on the positive things I CAN do:

• I can only PRAY for them. I think that is the hardest part. In fact, when you're angry, it's extremely hard to pray with sincerity. We first have to ask forgiveness of our anger because "a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" ...yes we all know that. Easier said than done.
  
• I must ask God to help me FORGIVE them. Another truly difficult thing to do. As my grandmother says, "You can't truly forgive someone unless you can honestly say that you wish them well"
  
• I have to LOVE them despite the actions and beliefs they may display towards us. I should demonstrate Christ-like attitudes and love them just as I love Christ.
  
• I must TRUST in the Lord to take control of the situation. I have to ultimately trust that God can and will change their hearts if He so desires.
• Last, I have to GIVE IT TO GOD. I am a selfish, sinful human and I have to "cast my cares upon the Lord" and leave them there!
  

If you have people who support and encourage you in your journey as a stepmom, be sure to thank them! Let them know how much you appreciate their support and what their encouragement means to you. Thank God for putting them in your life!

If you are dealing with unsupportive family or friends in your unique situation, I hope you will be encouraged by this post. If you have done all you can to make the situation with your stepkid(s) or ex-spouse work, God applauds you! If you are making the tough decisions that no one seems to notice, God is smiling down on you! Remember that our Father is the ONLY one we should be seeking approval from! He knows our hearts. He knows our desires. We just have to trust that He sees what we're doing and you can rest knowing that He will bless us when we make those tough decisions and sacrifices. Maybe not with earthly possessions or wealth, but He will give us joy in our journey... and that surpasses anything this world has to offer. May you be blessed today with all-surpassing joy as you seek to be the stepmom that God desires you to be.