A Little Encouragement Here?

So I had a meltdown the other night. It just all came rushing out. I've tried to be strong not let it get to me but I couldn't hold it together for one more second. It all started with a call to my mom about my frustrations with some family members. I'm talking about the non-supportive family members who don't encourage us in our journey as a blended family. Now I know they love us and want the best for us. But there's no "we're so proud of how you're parenting" or "we're proud of the way you've turned this situation around" or "we're so glad that you've stepped up and taken responsibility". Nothing. Not once. I can't even begin to tell you how much that hurts both my husband and I. Maybe they are proud of the way we've worked to make this situation work for us. But we'll never know how they truly feel if they don't tell us. I've tried to just block those feelings out and not think about how we've been hurt. But it's always there. I started thinking of how hard this whole stepmom life has really been throughout the years and the sacrifices I've made and why they don't seem to get that.

But I know those frustrations are doing me no good. I always want to know why. Why don't they support or encourage us? But I don't know if I'll ever know the answer to that so if I continue to dwell on these feelings, I'll be eaten up with bitterness and anger. I have to turn that over to the Lord EVERYDAY. I don't want this to create bitterness in my heart or make me resentful. It's incredibly hard to give up that anger and frustration each day. I want to scream and yell and shout it from the rooftops! "Don't you get it!? Don't you see what we've done for this child? Don't you see we've made the right decisions in this situation? Don't you see that we're trying our very best to be the Godly parents that this child needs and deserves?" But I can't. I can't control their thoughts or actions anymore than I can control the weather. I can only focus on the positive things I CAN do:

• I can only PRAY for them. I think that is the hardest part. In fact, when you're angry, it's extremely hard to pray with sincerity. We first have to ask forgiveness of our anger because "a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" ...yes we all know that. Easier said than done.
  
• I must ask God to help me FORGIVE them. Another truly difficult thing to do. As my grandmother says, "You can't truly forgive someone unless you can honestly say that you wish them well"
  
• I have to LOVE them despite the actions and beliefs they may display towards us. I should demonstrate Christ-like attitudes and love them just as I love Christ.
  
• I must TRUST in the Lord to take control of the situation. I have to ultimately trust that God can and will change their hearts if He so desires.
• Last, I have to GIVE IT TO GOD. I am a selfish, sinful human and I have to "cast my cares upon the Lord" and leave them there!
  

If you have people who support and encourage you in your journey as a stepmom, be sure to thank them! Let them know how much you appreciate their support and what their encouragement means to you. Thank God for putting them in your life!

If you are dealing with unsupportive family or friends in your unique situation, I hope you will be encouraged by this post. If you have done all you can to make the situation with your stepkid(s) or ex-spouse work, God applauds you! If you are making the tough decisions that no one seems to notice, God is smiling down on you! Remember that our Father is the ONLY one we should be seeking approval from! He knows our hearts. He knows our desires. We just have to trust that He sees what we're doing and you can rest knowing that He will bless us when we make those tough decisions and sacrifices. Maybe not with earthly possessions or wealth, but He will give us joy in our journey... and that surpasses anything this world has to offer. May you be blessed today with all-surpassing joy as you seek to be the stepmom that God desires you to be.

The Wicked Stepmother

Well, if you had told me 10 years ago that I would be a stepmom, I probably would have laughed in your face and said, "yeah right". I wasn't even sure I wanted kids of my own, not to mention someone else's! It's not something you plan for yourself and certainly not something your parents plan for you. As a matter of fact, my parents were very concerned about the possibility of me marrying a man with children. And their concerns were justified. When I married my husband, I did NOT fully understanding the problems I would encounter, the hurt I would feel or the worries I would have for MY future family. But as the saying goes, "Love is blind". And so it was. I only knew that if God had put us together, He would take care of everything. I had faith. I'm not saying I was holier than thou and expected everything to be roses all the time, but I trusted that He would carry me. And He has, every step of the way.

I'll start with the decision to marry someone with children. When I was first presented with the thought of becoming someone's stepmom, I immediately thought of Cinderella's stepmom.
As I'm sure you all have seen the movie or at least read the book, Cinderella's stepmother was as wicked as they come. Her evil eyes plotting her next revenge...it still gives me the creeps during the scene where it gets all dark and the only thing you can see are her eyes all evil and mean. The word stepmom does not come with a good feeling behind it. Every friend I had with a stepmom had something horrible to say about her. Things she said, did or wouldn't do. I had never known anyone that had a meaningful relationship with their stepmother. I had decided that I was not going to let the negative connotations stick to me. There was no way I was going to succumb to the stereotypical stepmom. I would rise above this because I knew that God expected this of me. I knew He had a reason for placing me in this situation. I would have never chosen this for myself, God chose it for me. And I'm still finding that He's revealing more and more reasons everyday.