Mama Drama

So there are many things that still anger me at times. Especially when there's mama drama. Now I know that women create drama wherever they go. I'm sure I've created my share at times. However, I try to steer clear of it whenever possible. I HATE drama. I don't understand why so many women thrive on drama in their lives. It's like they're not happy unless there's some kind of dramatic situation to stir around. So when it comes to the kids, it's sad that they are thrown into the mix whether they know they're doing it or not. There is no way to change a way people parent. We can't go over to their house like Supernanny and tell them what we think they're doing wrong or what they could be doing better. And yes it's hard to know if you would react the same way or if you'd be more level headed about certain things. This is especially true if you're a childless stepmom. We know how we would most likely react but can only speculate. So the way we've learned to deal with it is to simply offer sympathy when a dramatic situation presents itself. However, we try not make a big deal out it by asking lots of questions or talking a lot about it in the presence of the children or the ex.

For example, my stepdaughter brought home her first C on an math test and was really upset because she usually made all "A's". So we were warned that she was very upset and that was understandable. However, instead of lecturing her and asking lots of questions, we simply said that we knew that math was a hard subject and if she needed any extra help to make sure and let us or her mom or her teacher know so she could better understand what she was struggling with. We made sure to tell her that we knew she was capable of making an A because she was a very smart and responsible girl. Then we dropped it. We didn't bring it up again and didn't grill her about the questions on the test or what she should have or could have done to make an "A".

It's especially important to remember to keep things in perspective when it comes to things like this for several reasons:

1. First, the children are being shuffled from mom's family to dad's family every week or every other weekend depending on your unique situation. So assuming your parents were still married, think of how difficult it was to tell your parents when you made a bad grade or messed up at one point or another. Now think about telling two sets of parents and possibly having two sets of questions, comments, reprimands, etc. They are hearing and dealing with what we've heard and dealt with times 2! That could really weigh on a child if one or both sets of parents dramatize the situation more than necessary. So in our situation, she needed gentle criticism but more importantly, encouragement.
   
   
2. Secondly, they feed off of your mood and attitude and they'll remember how you reacted to situations. If your mom flipped out when you accidentally left your brand new retainer on your lunch tray and it got dumped down the cafeteria garbage disposal, you'll likely remember her throwing something at you while running to your room to escape the wrath. But imagine having four parents reacting that way! I struggle with this on a daily basis since I'm an over-reactor. Why would I over-react? Nobody in my family over-reacts!" - Annie Banks Mackenzie: Father of the Bride I'm currently working on letting things go and not knit picking everything. After all, it's about enjoying the journey so it's important to remember that everyday.
   
   
3. Lastly, try to remember that this too shall pass! This is a test. Just like my mom just told me tonight. Satan is trying to get you angry and mad because he knows you are trying to help other stepmoms and encourage them by sharing your experiences. Don't let him win! Remember what James wrote, "Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).
   

Everything that happens is an opportunity for you to rise above the challenge and the drama. It's a chance for you to show your character but more importantly, God's character through your actions. Not only your stepchildren, but the ex will see how you and your husband react to the drama and it can speak volumes in either positive or negative ways. It's up to you to decide how you will handle the mama drama in your life!

The Wicked Stepmother

Well, if you had told me 10 years ago that I would be a stepmom, I probably would have laughed in your face and said, "yeah right". I wasn't even sure I wanted kids of my own, not to mention someone else's! It's not something you plan for yourself and certainly not something your parents plan for you. As a matter of fact, my parents were very concerned about the possibility of me marrying a man with children. And their concerns were justified. When I married my husband, I did NOT fully understanding the problems I would encounter, the hurt I would feel or the worries I would have for MY future family. But as the saying goes, "Love is blind". And so it was. I only knew that if God had put us together, He would take care of everything. I had faith. I'm not saying I was holier than thou and expected everything to be roses all the time, but I trusted that He would carry me. And He has, every step of the way.

I'll start with the decision to marry someone with children. When I was first presented with the thought of becoming someone's stepmom, I immediately thought of Cinderella's stepmom.
As I'm sure you all have seen the movie or at least read the book, Cinderella's stepmother was as wicked as they come. Her evil eyes plotting her next revenge...it still gives me the creeps during the scene where it gets all dark and the only thing you can see are her eyes all evil and mean. The word stepmom does not come with a good feeling behind it. Every friend I had with a stepmom had something horrible to say about her. Things she said, did or wouldn't do. I had never known anyone that had a meaningful relationship with their stepmother. I had decided that I was not going to let the negative connotations stick to me. There was no way I was going to succumb to the stereotypical stepmom. I would rise above this because I knew that God expected this of me. I knew He had a reason for placing me in this situation. I would have never chosen this for myself, God chose it for me. And I'm still finding that He's revealing more and more reasons everyday.

The Stepmom Life

The stepmom life was created to encourage you in your journey as a stepmother. I'm a stepmom just like you. I want to help you keep your sanity while you're shaping and molding your step-children's hearts and lives. I hope to give you tools to strengthen your marriage by being honest and supportive. You'll find stories of successes and failures, tactics that worked for me, and hopefully stories from other stepmoms who've been right where you are. May you be enlightened and uplifted as you read!