It Can't Be All About Me

Well, I haven't posted in a while, mostly due to the holidays and some other things that have consumed my time. But it's no excuse. It's been far too long. I need this as much as you do!

So now that I have a few minutes to write, I don't have much to write about in the area of the ex or drama, or upset in any relationships at the present time. It's actually been a lot better and I know God has been at work even amidst my lack time spent with Him. I don't deserve His grace or love. How truly grateful I am for a Savior who works in His time even when I'm not faithful.

I recently got to spend some time with a friend of mine and we were able to get out some frustrations we're both experiencing in our lives. We've both sort of hit the reality of being married, settled in our lives, I guess just the reality of life. And on top of my own personal struggles, I feel like the kids are more clingy and needy now for some reason, maybe it's just their age. I can't even walk from one room to the next without someone following me! But I know I need to be compassionate and put their needs ahead of my own. So I asked my friend, "Is it me? Am I just extremely irritable or is this normal?" I continued on my rant, "It's just so hard to go from being myself - not having kids to worry about and then suddenly shifting gears to mommy-mode." I go from doing what I want, when I want to suddenly washing clothes, reminding them to pick up their junk, finding ways to entertain them without tv, fixing their hair, cooking something they'll like for dinner, making sure they're dressed appropriately, taking a bath, brushing teeth, washing hands...the list goes on and on. Being a stepmom is a hard job. No one will ever understand what we as stepmoms face everyday. Not only when the kids are with us but when they're not. It's such an unusual situation to experience first hand and everyday might bring something different or unexpected.

I'm realizing that I need to work on my tolerance and pray that God will help me to do everything with out complaining. That's so hard isn't it?! But I know that I can do this and make the best out of everyday with God's help. I'm learning that it's not about me. But how do we get past that feeling of - no one understands. No one recognizes or acknowledges what we do on a regular basis for someone else's kid. Where's my encouragement? Where's my pat on the back every once in a while? Where's my reward? The answer is ALWAYS in Jesus. He sees the hurt and the frustrations that we continually push to the side to manage our everyday reality. Although we can't touch him right now, He's here. Even though we can't physically run to his arms, He's surrounding us now. He's with us in every moment of our day. He's our reward. And perhaps the hardest part for us to grasp - may that be enough for us. I'm praying that He would sustain you in your journey today. That God's peace and love would surround you like never before. May you be consumed with His encouragement and trust that He alone is all you need.